Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
