he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
