You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
