my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
