They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just invented taco cereal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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