I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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