Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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