Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
