i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My feet surprised me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
