u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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