I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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