sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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