phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
