I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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