youre lurking in front of me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
