Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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