I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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