I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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