in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize