Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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