My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We are all done wearing pants today
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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