Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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