So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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