i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
