a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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