he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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