ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
