Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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