Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
did i walk over a car last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
