I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
