I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
