halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
