i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
