dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
