So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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