My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
