apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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