I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pappa wants mamma naked
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
