OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
