i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
