Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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