Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
