i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
