you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
