Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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