i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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