can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
