It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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