someone threw a dead crab at me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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