Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
