I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
